What?! A weekend update post so soon after giving birth? I must be crazy, and I have to admit my sleep deprived mind probably is a little. But I find I have so many thoughts about motherhood and about this week in general that I wanted to share just a few here for you guys but also for myself to read back on later. This post will not be edited/proofread and my mind is running on maybe 20 hours of sleep for the past 5 days so be warned that there will probably be errors and/or this post may not make sense lol.
I don’t even know where to start. Motherhood is such a trip, or maybe more like jumping off a cliff really. I was never one of those girls who always wanted to be a mom. And I wrote in the past that I actually came to terms with the fact that I might not end up being one and I was totally ok with that. So I never really bought into the “mama” tribe thing. Like I would tune out women who would wax on about the joys of motherhood and even get annoyed at some women who would only talk about their children. Or whenever someone said the most fulfilling thing they’ve ever done was be a mom, I thought it was a bit cliche. But now I’m starting to get it. Just giving birth and figuring out how to take care of a newborn feels like some sort of special hazing to get into a sorority— the motherhood sorority. And currently it’s hell week lol. Surgery pain, lack of sleep, frustrations and pressure with breastfeeding (and man Kaiser is relentless about this), and a crying baby are all overwhelming. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining but this is hands-down one of the toughest weeks of my life (and I did pledge a sorority once—and later dropped out lol). But through it all I find these perfect quiet moments where I just stare at my sleeping daughter, and it makes it all worth it (I would do all this and more in a heartbeat just to be her mom). And I just can’t believe I she’s my baby. I love her so much and I’ve only known her 5 days.
P.S. I won’t be posting any pictures of my girl here because INTERNET, though I have posted some pictures to Insta story (since those only last 24 hours).